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some photos from montreal...

My first Nationals

It was never my intention to go to the Nationals. They were supposed to be in Alberta and I was supposed to be in Europe. But as life would have it, they were switched to Montreal and I was stuck in Montreal waiting for essential things like passports which arrived only a few days before the comp. It would seem like chicken behavior to escape the comp at this point but regretting not going seemed even worse.

And so I went. I paid to go and compete with the intention to give my best effort and keep my focus on the climb in front of me. The after affect: self inflicted torture and suffering I put on myself because I had a bad comp. This is one of the reasons why I avoided comps until this year. I beat myself up like an old rag if I feel I do badly, no matter what place I finish in. If I make stupid mistakes, if I doubt myself in the middle of a crux, if I don’t think of the right beta while stuck in some position, if I don’t climb aggressively enough, if I doubt myself, if, if and more if’s. Maybe I am a perfectionist who is never perfect…

And to tell matters even more personal… one of my main disappointments is not just my performance but my attitude handling the fact that I had a bad comp. In the face of failure I failed to handle it with grace. One of my best friends mentioned to me once that it is the not the outcome that is the test but more how one handles it, winning or losing.  For me there was a vicious pattern circling around in my head of self sabotaging thoughts and I just could not snap out of it. I was so mad and disappointed with myself. Maybe I should go on a diet so I can lighten up…!

Obviously, I don't feel very good about how I did. I questioned my ability on the first problem to make the big reach and I never gave my full attention to my effort because I was too busy thinking if I could do it or not. I said to myself 'oh--it’s so far, I feel maxed out in reach...' I fully doubted myself and didn’t use my legs to help push me higher. I did this problem first try when the comp was over which frustrated me even more because I could make the reach...! The difference, the self inflicted pressure was off and I was no longer thinking doubtful thoughts. With more attention, aggression and confidence, I snagged the hold by using my legs more and my head less.

Problem two was fine for me but on the third I got stuck with a case of tunnel vision in the middle of the problem. The start was incredibly reachy but I managed to burl my way through it, finding myself seconds later stuck on the 2 slopey jugs playing a game of tic tack trying to just get my feet back on the wall so to make the next move. When getting my feet on didn’t help I tried the heel which might have worked if I hadn’t wasted the energy prior. This problem taught me that it is a good idea to stop and take a ‘time out’ on the wall so to see other beta. Hang from the jug, look around and see the possibilities.

On problem 4 the last move was huge and I just couldn’t do it. This is my weakness and I know that. When I was awkwardly positioned for the last move the final hold looked like it was a mile away. I thought to myself, ‘Hell no, that’s impossible’. Do you think I did it with that mind set? No… Thoughts are very powerful things. My commitment and self doubt worked together like Jekyll and Hyde. Although the girls that did do this last move have more reach than me, I shouldn’t be making excuses here. Yes it was a long move but long moves are not exactly what I am good at so I don’t feel too heartbroken with this one. I know what I have to work on.

The final problem… having done only 1 problem at this point I really had to give my best. I feel a little mixed on this one as I didn’t climb it very well though I finally did it after many tries. The judge had told me “ohh, it’s a burly one” which may or may not have influenced how I approached the climb. Watching others on this afterwards I see that the start was not burley but rather pretty technical had I used better beta. The beta I was using didn’t feel right to move off and while the holds were good enough to adjust, I didn’t, so I fell, over and over till finally I managed my way through it. Once midway, finishing the problem was fine. Lesson here… hmmm. Better route reading? Climb smarter? Get stronger?

At the end when the results were up I didn’t look at what I placed, I didn’t care. What mattered to me was how I felt I did which is obvious from this here rant. People congratulating me on a good job frustrated me even more because I know I can climb a lot better than I did. Could of, should of, would of, didn't. No excuses - admit it thomo, if only you were a better climber. But that is why I am putting myself in these situations right… to learn? To become better? To put myself outside of my comfort zone? Oh yeah, right... it’s a good idea to remind myself of this…

Hard on the confidence these comps…at least for me. Slaying the 100 head dragon that flourishes on the many excuses of why things didn’t go as plan and stepping up to the plate is as hard to do as the comp itself. Sure some of the problems were harder if short but they were still possible. After all of the above has been said, I do not regret going. It was an experience and a learning one. Attending also helped take care of a few of the logistics needed for future plans... As well, I know that I need to work on a few things, climbing smarter, stronger and with confidence. (and spend more time on plastic if i want to improve on plastic!)

Oh and I must not forget the more important lesson: to take disappointment with a bit of grace.

Plastic, injuries and awkward situations

For a number of reasons it has taken me weeks, well, many extended weeks, to start this blog. First off all , telling folks about my indoor comp life as of late does not really seem that exciting as does talking about my being plagued by a badly behaving shoulder. On top of that writing about my gym climbing abilities or there of lack of seems somewhat like self sabotage which is not really a healthy habit as some wiser folks would point out. Mind you, this post is just about that. 

This time of year I am usually walking in the desert sun with fresh air in my face, sore finger tips and a trashed body resulting from a full day out on rock the shade of crimson.  However, not this time around. As I sit here in front of a computer, in a warm house, my van sits outside stuck in a pile of snow and ice. The air is fresh, but it is bitter cold. The sun is bright but offers no warmth. I find myself in unfamiliar surroundings yet feel completely at home. On January of this year I decided to spend some time climbing plastic. Though I love the rock, the road, being outside more than anything, too much of a good thing can sometimes be taken for granted. So what a better place to remove myself from such an Eden and do some training than in a gym.

A few months ago I told a friend that I kind of wanted to start climbing inside, train, get stronger and well perhaps start competing. Perhaps a bit late in the game being somewhat of an old bird who is out of practice with the gym let alone competitions but an idea is an idea. My friend nodded her head at the first 3 ideas and paused at the forth. Her reply: ‘well, my only concern is that you have gotten such a good reputation from climbing so strong outside, I am afraid that if you start entering comps and it doesn’t go well, you could possibly tarnish that rep’. This was taken not at all as discouraging but more from another person’s shoes who was looking more at the ‘business side of things’. I didn’t know how to respond exactly as the reason I had the idea was not for the attention but more for the experience. After all, everyone who knows me knows, well to put it in Sunny’s words: “Everyone knows that Thomo isn’t known for her gym climbing sass.”  After a few seconds I agreed with my friend but I mentioned that – ‘hey but… it is just for the experience, it is something I haven’t really done in my 11 years of bouldering minus a handful, besides, it’s good to get out of my comfort zone. I might get stronger and learn something’ - right??

My visit north to Montréal corresponded with the timing of some local Tour De Bloc competitions. I hadn’t climbed on plastic in a few months and even then it was limited to a sporadic day that usually corresponded to something called rain. With 2 weeks to prepare for a comp that most others had been preparing for since September I had my work cut out for me, physically and mentally. My climbing style is anything but the dynamic bouncy jumping around that I find myself trying to improve on these days.  Plastic is anti-Thomo style. Jumping and swinging from limb to limb doesn’t really compare with the movement I am accustomed to. Climbing outside is something I am use to, something that I feel; it is something that I do naturally without question and with psych. Needless to say, plastic is different and far from my ‘specialty’, but I want to get better at it. Besides, it’ll make me stronger for outside.

So apparently at every comp there is lesson or two to be had. This comp went well considering the 2 weeks I had to prepare though I am not sure if I had fun. I didn’t really know anyone though people I didn’t know approached me while the mc shouted out some of my accomplishments while I was competing all of which were embarrassing. They seemed to have expectations of me knowing what I had done outside without really knowing what my gym and comp experience was. Don’t they know that climbing real rocks and climbing in a gym, let alone in a comp, are two completely different worlds!!!

The problems at the comp were pretty good though I was surprised how easy the final problems were compared to the qualifiers.  Though I did all the final problems, I didn't flash them so there was the difference. Someone told me once that comps are such a big mental game and this was just the start of my lessons. Every comp since has taught me more. I didn’t realize flashing was so important. Flashing in itself is a skill that takes lots of practice which I obviously need to work on. There seems to be a hard wire in my brain that needs to be reprogrammed to the “flash mode”. It is really something I never focused on and even still it is not my priority.  

Unfortunately after this comp I strained my shoulder. It would have been in my best interest to wait at least 2 or 3 weeks till I started to climb again but no, that couldn’t happen, I had plans. Low and behold, not until much later did I finally realize the full extent of my impatience. Climbing with an injury sucks. I didn’t get stronger, I got weaker. I didn’t heal, my body didn’t get the break it needed, and I lost what could have been productive training time. Result, I ended up taking way more rest then I maybe would of, spent way too much money on physiotherapy and am still working at getting it back to the no pain stage. It felt promising for a week when I climbed pain free but then it’d hurt again.  I’d rest some, climb some, it’d feel fine and voila, pain… a vicious cycle. 

Lesson: listen to your body and tame the ego…! My body is trying to tell me something and here I am using it and abusing it. It bummed on my ‘get strong quick training parade’, something I had wanted to commit to for years but I guess there is a reason and season for everything. I have learnt enough physiotherapy and stretches for shoulder rehab to heal an army as well as some smarter training tips which blows away the little I knew before. I also spent a lot of time touring Montreal and the Montreal metro which is high class action in my world. As for the injury, I know for next time I will miss the next comp, send or whatever it is that my little voice says go, go, go to and I will listen to my body though that certainly is easier said than done.

Regardless of my shoulder, I still wanted to compete. I wanted the experience and to learn. The time between the first comp and last I focused on healing and trying to ‘get in shape’ for the upcoming comps. Does that make sense at all? No, but anyway! The Montreal comp was super fun, the best of the 4 I have so far participated in. The problems were interesting, hard and varied. The qualifiers were hard as were the final problems. I knew a lot of the people and felt more at home which makes any environment fun. I am sure the lesson I had taken from this one was again, flash climbing but also to work on my weaknesses: dynamic movements and general fitness and endurance!!

The ottawa comp was a different story. Though I had tons of friends around my focus was not there. Feeling rather stressed out and nervous, I questioned my ability to the point of not trying certain problems. My shoulder was hurting on certain moves and my confidence was suffering. I did a number one comp no-no which is to watch what others were doing. I was paying too much attention to what others were doing instead of focusing on what I could do. Ironically, I felt like someone was watching me which bothered me even more. I was watching and being watched… hmmm! Feeling very insecure in my abilities and not having fun at all, I almost tore up my scorecard but a friend with years of comp experience gently slapped me in the face. She reminded me to believe in myself and to pay no attention to others. “You have no control over what they do but you do have control over what you do.” Once I got out of my way and stopped watching and comparing myself to others, I found my focus and started to not only have fun again, but also to send some problems which helped get me into the finals. I flashed all the final problems but the win went back to qualifiers which clearly weren’t in my favor. Though I was happy that my flashing skills were improving I also kind of think it might have been due to the fact that the final problems, though good, were too easy and straight forward.

So the next comp was regional’s. My shoulder was feeling pretty good up until the last climbing day when I tweaked a little something. Thankfully it didn’t hurt when I woke up on the morning of the comp so I was about as psyched as I could get for a comp. The qualifiers were fun though I didn’t feel as powerful as I would have wanted, perhaps a little too much training the last few climbing sessions before, again, another lesson learned! There were some problems I didn’t do that many others did and I realized I still have a lot to learn, from flashing, jumping and especially learning how to summoning the ‘grrr’ on command, something I can easily do if psyched on something outside. When I realized I didn’t make it to finals I had a mini meltdown. When packing up my bag I tried to put myself in it as well. I don’t know why I cared so much, I guess I had dedicated some time to the gym and I wanted to see results. That said, if one doesn’t have the proper “comp head” measuring if one is getting better or not especially in a comp scenario is a bad idea for the confidence.

By pure luck, I actually did make it into the finals. I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to be there after getting myself all worked up. Trying to put myself back into the mode wasn’t easily done. The grrr wasn’t there in the beginning and my confidence was slightly shot. But never mind, onwards and upwards says some. I was as ready as I was going to be to tackle the finals. As bloopers would have it, I slipped of the wall 1 second after I got on. Not such a good start. I wished I could press ‘rewind’ but considering that was impossible I put it behind me and finished the problem. The second problem went well and helped me to recover some until the third which I caught a bad case of beta-itis on. I sent myself racing blindly into tunnel vision as I ridiculously threw myself at it over and over again hoping that I would get to the jugs that lay just one move away. Everyone that followed hiked this “crux move” as I silently slapped myself in the face for being such a ding dong. The final problem was easy enough though I did make a slip because of a misread with the direction my knee was facing on a hold. Dang. Whoever knew that comps would be so fickle!

Obviously better physical and mental preparation for these comps and being injury free would have been ideal but in most cases life is never ideal. I can go on to say that my experience competing and time dedicated to plastic is mediocre in comparison to the other competitors who have been climbing, competing and training inside for years but I have to start somewhere. All my slip ups and mistakes are part of learning to become a better ‘comp climber’… if that is what I want, which I’m not sure, yet I know I might as well try. Regrets are worse than failures and it isn’t really failure if one learns the lesson. Besides, in a weird way, it is kind of fun. Doing this has definitely been a trip out of my own comfort zone and has been full of lessons and ego mind trips.

eating extremely well at a cabana sucre... YUM!

If anything, I wouldn’t trade these past 3 months for a week outside. Learning about my physical and mental habits is invaluable as is the journey to questioning why I climb. Besides that, spending time with old friends, new friends, eating ‘Cubans’, improving my French and all the goodness outside of the climbing time are invaluable. A brief trip to Pawtuckaway for the Easter weekend revived my psych! To end, I reckon it was a good thing to put myself in these awkward positions. For anyone to step out of their comfort zone and into the unfamiliar is always, a hard but good thing.

The Dirty South

After four weeks of sport climbing in the Red I looked forward to what was my main objective of the trip: to wrestle the fine southern sandstone found in the dirty south. The last time my feet lay on that soil was about ten years ago in my early years of bouldering. I didn’t know what to expect this time round but I had hoped with my expanded experience and new strengths that I would be able to send the things that I had fallen off years before. 

best of friends

ledee on a LRC classic

ryan hugging it

Well, needless to say, things didn’t go as planned. The trip was cut drastically short and of the time spent there, only 4 days were spent on the rocks and 2 of those days were just for a couple hours. This is all because of my own demise but certain lessons sometimes need to be learned…

On the days spent climbing, I found myself pleasantly running around from boulder to boulder in what I could call a paradise. The warm up could have gone on all day as the problems were so good. Although the rock remained as good as I remembered it, I found myself barely recognizing the areas of Rock town and Little Rock City. The parking areas, the approaches, the warm ups; none of it seemed familiar but considering the changes and time lapse since my first visit it was to be expected. The number one difference was the crowds. Granted it was Christmas break… When I was last there, LRC was pretty much a closed area and rock town was not closed but definitely not like it is now. One thing I did notice about the crowds is that many of them tended to travel in groups of 8 or more and had an affinity to stop and stare at every rock and climber that may lay sideline on their path to their next destination. Slightly awkward for those who are climbing but I guess I can’t say that I have never done that myself though I am not sure if for the same length of time... 

hunter museum

check out that fancy brush on a stick

One of the good things about leaving a project behind is that the chances of it moving are next to nil. Though I suppose other factors are in play, holds break, areas close. I never did get on any of my old projects though I did try some lines never seen before which is always delightful. I didn’t try too many harder things though when I did let me remind you were we are: the dirty south. Here the warm ups can spit you off, the slopers are fat and smooth and the grades, pleasantly stout. The mantles are challenging enough even for a season squaminard such that I failed to send one of the area classic warm ups because of the mantle. 

kevin crushing

don't believe him kev.

The level or shall we say grade of the things I normally try at a new area was humbling deflated. Finding myself trying to send hard moderates, I wondered if it was the month of sport climbing that did my power in or was the area just plain hard. Perhaps a little bit of both but sending or no sending, I love the place. The woods have an overall feeling of eeriness, the rock has unique features and the lines are esthetic and proud. As for the town of Chattanooga itself, it is home to some stylish characters and homes, as well as anything else one would need from a town. 

The herm-ster

settlers with the fam

One of the perks of my trip was finally meeting Ledee Holden. Ledee is one of those people who I have heard of for years but never met. Living between Chatty and Rock town up on Lookout Mountain, Ledee is mother of four amazing boys, 2 dogs, 3 cats and still manages to crush it when climbing in the SE. 

Last year her home was hit by a class 4 tornado which went on a rampage through the SE last year, destroying homes, trees and pretty much anything laying in its path. Thankfully Ledee and her family survived though their land and environment had taken a drastic change. What was once a secluded area full of tall lush trees was replaced by fallen trees and open skies. I was fortunate enough to be there to photograph the burning down of a neighbors’ house which was destroyed by the tornado. Some may see such events as completely tragic but I see such events as a reminder of what is important and treasured in life.  I believe it is good to look at the positive in all destruction as with death comes life and with this change came a time of community support and a showing of humanity.